Wednesday, 21 May 2014

Thinking about certainty, uncertainty, and the sovereignty of God in a hospital room

I found some things I wrote just over 3 months ago, as Trina and I sat in our hospital room in Vancouver, hundreds of miles away from our four children, and uncertain about the future for our newest child, at that point just under 25 weeks along, in the midst of a what the doctors called a "high-risk pregnancy":
Here we are in a circumstance in which we have no certainty, don't know what is going to happen next, etc.  We "have to rely on God" in such a circumstance.  But really, everyone is always in the midst of such a circumstance.  Everyone is always in the midst of a circumstance in which they must constantly trust God.  Even when nothing about their circumstance seems particularly extraordinary or difficult or abnormal.  No one ever knows what will happen next.  No one ever knows what we are currently being kept from.  We are not really conscious of all the ways we are being carried along and sustained, even in the supposedly mundane of everyday.  Even when we think we know, we don't really.  Only God knows the future of course, but he is also the only one who knows the present in a truly comprehensive way.  Even when circumstances are "normal" and "routine" and we have everything "under control" we don't know.  But we know who does, and, more than that, we are known by Him. 
A truth we both took a lot of comfort from while we were in the midst of this circumstance is that, no matter how unexpected the situation we find ourselves in the midst of, God is not the God of chances but the God of certainties.  This truth is especially timely when doctors are daily talking of chances, percentages, statistics, likelihood, etc. 
There are no uncertainties with God and therefore there are no uncertainties for the believer.  There are only two types of certainties:  those God has let us know already (his revealed will and word in Scripture, those events which have already come to pass in life and history, etc.) and those firm and certain things that he hasn't shown us yet (those events that haven't yet come to pass), or may never show us (the plans and purposes he has ordained according to the counsels of his wisdom and will).  He may never tell us "why" but he has already told us "Who" - who is in control of all that has not happened yet but which is just as certain as that which has.  Placing our trust in the infinitely powerful, all knowing and good, kind, loving Father is better than an explanation.
About seven weeks after this was written, our baby, Jack Wesley Martin Glover, then 31 weeks along, died an hour and a half after being delivered by C-section.  We spent another week in the hospital while Trina recovered from surgery.   At the end of that week, we returned home and were reunited as a family.  As a family, we have shed many tears together, and as parents, Trina and I have attempted to answer many questions from our children (ages 9, 8, 5 and 3).  A month and a half after returning home, surrounded by family and friends, we buried Jack.  Life goes on, but it is different, probably mostly because we are different.  Experiences like this change you.  It's not our first loss of a loved one, but each time is different and unique.

Two months after the day of our baby son's birthday and death, we can still say that trusting in our loving and wise heavenly Father is better than an explanation.  To know that he is working all things out for the good of those who know him and are called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28) is better than demanding to know how he is working everything out. We trust he is working it out, and that's enough.

No comments:

Post a Comment